Monday, 7 November 2016

Am i having a depression?

Hi guys, whoever that stops and by chance read this post. I just wanna ask if this symptoms that im having right now is a depression?

It all started couple of years ago, i had a major breakdown.  But it became worst since i came to India since i spend more time by myself and im having a hard time to adapt here.

  • I become emotionally unstable
This is the major symptoms im having at the moment. At first i though it was normal because i am a girl. I thought it was probably due to my hormones fluctuations. But after a while, it become more more severe. I can be happy then out of nowhere i can be mad, sad, or stress in just a sec. And a lot of people notice this, but they blame me because they said it was me who cant control my emotions. But the thing is, i tried, so many times. But i just cant and the worst thing is, i dont even know why i feel that way. When people ask am i okay and why? i dont a reason at all

  • I avoid any form of interaction with people
I prefer to stay at my room by myself. Talking to people seem very hard for me. I prefer not to interact. And i become lazy to talk. I am an introvert but before this i still can talk to my bestfriends and family nonstop and share so many things with them. But now i dont feel like talking. I prefer to listen or just dont have any interaction at all. I feel thats way better than talking or having awkward moment with anyone.

  • I prefer to do things alone
Since i dont like any form of interactions, i started to do everything by myself. Apart from because of i dont like any interactions, there are alson few reasons why i do things alone. I think i might burden someone and people dont like when i ask so many things from them. And i avoid to ask for help even when i really need someone. And i keep everything that i feel or my experience by myself and after awhile it burdens me. 

I dont know what i'm having right now. But i feel really bad about myself because people cant accept this kind of behaviour of me. It's not that i dont try to change i did but things didnt work as what i want. I get tired when people blame me for what i'm having. It just i dont know why my mood change in a sec. I dont know why i just wanna lie down in my bed even tho so many things i have to do. It sucks because people blame me but even i dont know what is wrong with myself. And it more sucks because people eventually get tired with me.

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